Neato.

Phoenix x Edgeworth
Apollo x Klavier
Phoenix x Apollo
Snake x Otacon
Heero x Duo
Daisuke x Dark
Raito x L
THE LIST NEVER ENDS <333333

Cited from Dictionary.com for the word 'discretion', sometimes I feel that I am too discrete with my life?

It's been around a month and two days since my mother's birthday and one of my cat's - Poppy's- passing. Since then I've been trying hard to keep myself under wraps, to maintain control of myself and the 'no-heart, emotionless' syntagm that I have been unthankfully taken to as the days get shorter, the nights and days colder and as the sun hides away beneath the dark clouds of potential acoustic and visual weapons. I think so far I've been successful, but lately i've been trying a new facade on, I've been trying to be helpful, cheerful, and always around... Yeah it doesn't always work but i'm trying my hardest, and as anyone would know, it's damn hard being cheerful when the sun is gone.

I don't know how to continue this so i'll stop.

A little more update... started my Famous Photographers project in photography, i finished all my essays, late and on time last week (the amount came up to 7, hot damn!), i've been sleeping on an average of 12 hours in a day (normal sleep time, naps in my car between lessons, naps after college etc), i'm almost out of money again and... that's it.

Louise find a job! It's sad you lost it, i wanted to order a load of things from there but now I can't ;_;.

D.

That in itself is a misleading question. It's saying it's not open to other ways of thinking. Is it really skin deep, or is it not? A closed question, though maybe time-efficient, convenient and very good for quantitative data collecting, it doesn't leave much to the mind... So I'm going to challenge it.

Oh, and by the way, as one can tell, this is a bigass essay. So don't read it. I'll totally understand if it's all TL; DR

The term 'skin deep' is referring to our external selves, our physical entity that we entitle our bodies of flesh and blood... Well that's the basic definition when one glances over the phrase, but it also includes the 'self' that we portray (or try to portray but it is up to the 'audience' as to how they interpret the shown 'self').

I'll start off with our physical beauty.

We may believe that we're 'beautiful' or not, but what is 'beauty'? How is one classified as beautiful? From a psychologist's point of view, one is classified as beautiful if their bodies, or more specifically, their faces, are symmetrical. There has also been research into the correlation of attractiveness between couples and friends. Using volunteer samples to rate attractiveness levels of each person of that couple and if their results were similar then the likelihood of a break-up is less or a stronger love is greater than those couples with different levels of attractiveness.
I've always believed in this overused term: "Beauty is within the eye of the beholder" as a subtle attempt to avoid questioning among the masses over someone's attractiveness. There's also been evidence that people with similar face shapes are more likely to be attracted than otherwise and those with a very feminine face will be attracted to a very masculine face; symmetry etc. So to finish this bit off - Physical beauty is to be decided by those who lay eyes upon it, it's up to their faces to see if they'd be right... Apparently nice curves in the body structure are good too.

Right, now onto the metaphysical beauty - why have I used such a word former to 'beauty'? Because it's questioning its existence, is it a physical being that we can show and touch? Or because it’s opinionated, is it in our minds? Now talking about the personality, the exterior façade that we put out, or try not to - is it beauty? Beauty is always opinionated and always will be, even if the mass media destroy individualism with their magazines with models all looking the same. What is a beautiful person in the sense of the 'self' they portray emotionally with a side order of intelligence? To start off, it's the clothes one wears. I've already discussed physical beauty, but it links in with this, as we portray who we are by what we wear, how we do our make-up, our hair, what brands of clothing we use etc. For example, someone who wears baggy ripped jeans, a dirty white shirt and greasy hair (excuse me Kurt Cobain for using his typical wear) makes one believe that their low on cash, and can't afford a shower or clothes (though in actual fact, the 'grunge' scene used to be extremely popular within our rich kid circle), likewise, to dress up in a suit like appearance makes one believe in one's importance. There was a study in sociology about such things. I can't recall which sociologist it was, but it was something along the lines of Oakley, that went out into the streets, and walked around in different styles of clothing, pretending to be their particular role, asking for directions. Unsurprisingly the tramp-wear got little response, and the business man received much response. I'll edit this bit when I remember who did this study.
So that's the general interpretation of ourselves via our clothes. We expect people to act in a certain way through their dress sense; though naturally this isn't always the case.
To move on swiftly (before photography starts and I have to do more of this at lunch time), there is also the gender bias within personal beauty. Girls are seen typically to be emotional, delicate per sé, while guys are seen to be gruff, butch and show little emotions. Of course this isn't the case, but that's how things have been and it's been stuck in our culture.
Beauty in its "skin deep" sense is nothing more than a show of what we want others to believe and what people think they see and believe.

But of course, beauty is not skin deep, for there is always a sense of beauty within a person, perhaps to be known when you come to learn more about that person. Stories, hidden personality traits - naturally some good some bad, but all in all, it can overall form a secret self that could be considered beautiful. A girl, who's clothes don't make her stand out in the crowd - not necessarily a loner, but someone who fades into it, and stays within the crowd, away from the limelight. So not an especially outstanding person, with okayish looks, but underneath there's a tale per sé of beauty (for example: loyalty, friendship - other basic points of attraction).

Although, it was Descartes that said: "I think, therefore I am" - which in general terms means that because we think, we can accept that we exist. Though that term can be stretched. We may exist, but what as?
You think of yourself as something and you act to reflect how you think. So yes you exist - but you exist in the way you think of yourself (and you subconsciously portray it) and through theacknowledgement of others. This can be linked with something called "The Self-fufilling prophesy". For example, if you had to rate your Intelligence out of 10, and you rated 4 let’s say, then in time, due to your lack of self-esteem, you will be that level of intelligence. Similarly with physical and emotional attractiveness - you will dress and act in such a way that you think represents your attractiveness.
This ties with the inner beauty; people with low self-esteem can still be attractive, taking care of themselves, work hard etc, but still doubt themselves, hate themselves for what they think they are rather than who they are and who they show themselves to be.
There could even be the chance, at such an age as us students who although have yet to learn the ways of life understand what people want in a friend or partner and so portray what they think their 'targets' want. The common traits naturally consist of confidence and humour, though it varies from person to person naturally.

For giggles, or for a boost of their ego, many put their pictures up onto websites for ratings (Hotornot.com) or seek their peers praise via facebook, myspace or other networking sites, and that takes care of the physical attractiveness, next is the emotional and intelligence. Many people use MSN, AOL YIM etc to talk to people over the internet, there are also forums and other websites and chat rooms where people can meet each other and talk, progressively talking on the private instant messengers (a more technical term is Instant Relay Chat though many large companies like Yahoo and MSN change it to their respective program names). As many know using IRC programs is often without a decent sized picture of oneself and so conversation is usually without something to go on physically. Because the distraction of a cute face or a hot body is removed from the visual senses, one can focus on emotions and intelligence and their attractiveness.
Though naturally the internet has its setbacks in that sense, because of the lack of physical imagery, people are anonymous over the internet, and even with a webcam or several pictures up, there is still the chance to be who you want to be, a totally different persona on the internet than one is offline. To perfect a certain image among a new kind of mass, where there's people you don't know and perhaps never met. In general - to be who you want to be and choose to be. Though many try to be who they really are, to show the side they don't want the public to see - which is where the evaluating of emotional attractiveness and intelligence attractiveness comes into play. Unlike physical attractiveness, these two cannot be rated on a scale of 1 to 10 so easily, and so there is a long, qualitative informal survey that we all fill out for one another to see if they're attractive enough. Emotionally, we can usually tell if we're attractive by friends we gain, by relationships, and even by compliments, so it's easier to interpret; though intelligent attractiveness is usually labelled by the grades you get via school, college, parents, and what your peers get also and the comments that precede and recede, though this isn't the case in reality. You could be getting incredibly bad grades but still be intelligent, cultured.

 

 Over the days, hours, weeks, months and even years of instant messaging with people, we gradually get an idea of who we are, what people think of us, and perhaps how to improve on ourselves to make us more attractive - but hopefully not in a sense that makes us uncomfortable or too extreme a change to who we are really.

 

Beauty - It's not skin deep... Although, despite what I've said, in this shallow world skin deep is good enough - there are many people in this world who look beyond that, but with comments made by both women and men, it's hard to really differentiate.  

 

 

 

D.

 

P.S. - I actually wrote this on the 22nd of September in my college blog for a Communication & Culture homework blog.

Hey All,

  I think I've reached it - rock bottom - when it comes to my emotional status. Yeah sure, I was all lovey lovey, huggy and intimate, but that's gone I feel. I've been feeling it moreso these last two days. Will has been wanting a hug, or just the chance to talk to me, people on the internet want their own pieces of intimacy from me - and that is not on anymore. I don't say 'love' after each sentence or any other pet name, it makes me sick now. Why was I acting in such a way? What went through my head? I gave everyone the wrong idea... or perhaps it was the right one at the time? I don't know, and I don't care. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm sick of everything already. Alton is great, I'm really enjoying it there... But I just haven't been really... happy? Frensham I was worse off, but I think this is just a part of SAD really; shutting my ass up, becoming cold, callous and generally a dickhead for whatever reason.
 

I don't want to write much today. I can't be bothered - going to have an early night after this movie... Watching Death Proof by Quentin Tarantino! =D It's so awesome <3 But yeah, early night for me.

Oh, it's done now. Gonna go now.

Bah. Fuck you.

D.

Today... well yesterday now I suppose, I started my first day at Alton college (last two years of high school), restarting year 12 in a whole new environment, with all new subjects and people; and believe me when i say this, I've never been happier. Today has just been... christ, I can't feel the happiness consciously, but I know it's there which is what counts.

I passed my drivers test this morning, then went to college, meeting my form tutor, and then heading off to my classes and the whatnot. Ah, last year I studied Biology, Psychology, Sociology and Chemistry, though this year I'm studing Film Studies, Philosophy, Communication and Culture and Photography... quite the difference no? Such depressing subjects last year, I'm so happy to be taking what I am now. We had taster sessions today and I even made a new friend who is.... well, he's not quite the internerd I am, filled with *nerdshame* and what-not, but he knows about stuff. The scientology fiasco. It was... surprising. But he was nice. I met a friend of his too... and he's also a nerd haha but another side of nerd. If the two were put together, they'd be kinda as nerdy as me, but not quite. We're all nerds which is fun though. So I can fill them in on what they're missing, and they can do the same with each other.. and perhaps they can teach me things as well.. ahh. It's so pleasant to have met people like me on the first day. It's looking out to be a good two years.

I can also drive alone now, which, though a little frightening, is also quite refreshing. I can haul my ass around, and others if need be... It's funny also, I'll be 18 in a few months, unlike my peers which will all be 18 ages after.. so I can gain more friend in january when i buy them beer and stuff XD and I an finally drive Chaz around, make up for the whole year she drove my ass around...

And so here i am now, bottle of cider in one hand, pen in the other, already getting into my photography homework, excited for the next day ahead.

Just... fuck me. I'm not smiling, I don't feel the happiness in my head, but it's in the pit of my stomach, there's something there. Perhaps after all the pushing down of any turmoil I pushed down the more positive feelings also? That is not a question to answer haha. Goosey stfu.

D. x

I can fucking fly, bitches.

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d138/DemonLP/cls_20080729_9999_78.jpg

Guten Abend! 

Well, the second day here and may I say... it's certainly filled with a more eccentric weather pattern then my good ol' England. I mean, it's more scheduled than England, but the ferocity is far more than back home. It's humid, it's super hot and sunny, but then suddenly it changes dramatically to a freakin' storm! It was pissing it down, with thunder and lightning. Now, I'm not THAT bothered by thunder and lightning, however, these, despite my earphones plugged in with 'Island In The Sun' playing, still made me jump. I guess old habits come back to haunt in such situations. The ground shook and everything; It was an intriuging experience indeed. Now, it's still pretty humid, and a little warm outside, but I can't feel it... Being inside, sitting by the kitchen counter on my Papi's sextop laptop (it's the same as mine.. but mine's way sexier, because it's raunchy red. WAY cooler), writing in this journal, and the AC is on. It's fucking COLD. I'm wearing my trademarked red cut-sleeved hoodie, then my black FSAS hoodie, and on top of all that, Tabby's massive blue hoodie that I 'stole' when she left John Laing last year( It wasn't really stolen, but we joke around saying I did). Holy shit I'm even wearing leg warmers. FREAKIN' LEG WARMERS. It's that's cold here, but I don't dare mess with the thermostat in case Dad complains... Which he shouldn't because he's on the couch sleeping. It IS 02:49 in England and apparantly it's harder to get over Jet Lag when you're older... But let's not be fooled by the time and date my entry suggests HOLY SHIT DARIUS AND DAD ARE BOTH SNORING STFU. It's actually July 18th (Alexis's birthday, happy b-day, kiddo. Have a good one =]) and the time is 9:37 I believe. Florida has a 5 hour time difference.. just saying. 

Ah, I went off topic through that... ah well. 

Anyhow, lets go over the events of today shall we? 
Today, we had to get Mom's bandages changed and so had to drive around seeking a walk-in clinic... Wait wait wait... lets literally start at the beginning. 
Right, so I woke up, nice and early at 8AM, and I started the process off. Sitting,at the edge of the bed, a luxury that I'm not familiar with back home, I reached for the ground for some amount of time before reaching to the ceiling, clasping and entwining my fingers for the better stretch through my arms. Standing up, I grabbed my foot from behind, stretching the hamstrings, and did so for both legs, before swooping them forward, grabbing my knee once at a time, stretching the backs and such. I continued the usual stretching routine and then stripped to unusually a bikini. Not even with the board shorts that I so modestly wear too! I was a little proud of myself, despite majorly self conscious... But my upper legs haven't seen the light of day in over 5 years. Not even joking.... They're so white they're purple (exagerations...). But with that disgusting image in mind, and a private home that I can just lounge around in, it'd be a good opportunity to cook these raw pieces of meat. But anyway, back to the bikini. Yes, I bore the bikini, grabbed the pink Tesco best buy towel and out the door to the pool. 

The pool was excessively cold, but it had been chilled by the night's darkness and we had not asked for heating due to the assumption of non-stop sun in this orange state that we temporarily live in. The waters membrane was cold, you could really feel it. I hesitated as I got knee deep, though resisting the urge to escape the cold captive trap that the water had ensnared me with and just sat down at the steps, quickly, smoothly, and trying to be silent (though that's not to say that I didn't let out a small gasp in surprise from the overwhelming chill). Papi and Mutti and even Bruder were all asleep at that time... I didn't want to wake them up and in turn let them witness the revolting state of a fatty in a bikini swimming. Luckily, I'm notsosecretly a ninja so it was an easy achievement. 
From there, I went straight for the light excercise and did a few 20 laps or so. I wasn't counting, I was just in the mood to swim laps... I suppose it was a forced punishment after eating so many Taco Bell tacos the night before, along with the single bottle alcohol... Really it was hardly something worth the penance, but I'm trying to eat a little better lately. I don't have time for real excercise so my diet needs to be altered a little more. 
I finished my 20-something laps and got out, immediatly into the shower. Ah, the warm, welcoming shower, like a mothers arms enveloping a young crying child into the safe external womb of their breast, and by golly I was crying... Well.. muttering cursive words of irritation along the lines of 'fucking COLD. Why's it so cold?! Fucks sake hurry up your god damned shower, get hot NOW. I'm too cold for this shit!'... So yeah. A young crying child. I'm out of Mountain Dew. 

Anyway, shower over and done with, I got changed into ANOTHER bikini, my board shorts a strappy top and a new set of sandals... though tempted to joke around with my new Wizard of Oz shoes, and had a chat with the folks and brother about the day ahead... Which luckily as planned, was a trip to Sea World.
Although... first I had a set of jobs to do beforehand as mom needed to get her bandages re-done... Silly woman, burning her arm with splashing boiling water... all to make me and Papi a casarole for when we got back....;_; Anyway. Yes, so Mom and Dad went to go get Mom's arm rebandaged at a walk-in clinic, and that left me and Darius alone in the house... Naturally, we looked at youtube videos, I cleaned the dishes (we had yet to buy dish washer stuff) and sort out my clothes et cetera. They got back, and to my surprise, mom's bandage had not been changed, because she didn't have any ID on her, so that meant all four of us went along with her after she finished filling out forms and bringing her passport to the clinic (me and Darius went because it was on the way to Sea World) and after she got it rebandaged, off we went to Sea World. 

It was nice, but Darius got super hungry and had a psycho-hunger-fit, which is basically he gets super grumpy due to lack of food.... This was also a point where it started raining... This wasn't cats and dogs, this was like elephants and whale sharks, with the added thunder and lightning. It was very cool, a little scary awesome, but it was okay.. I was petting the sting rays when it started... They're so cute and just renewed my passion for marine zoology. Whale sharks, despite being huge and awesome, just aren't as cute as the sting ray or as excrutiatingly difficult or mysterious as the jelly fish. Humans are cool and all, but animals don't usually talk back, they still feel sympathy and can comfort... if only humans were as simple as these animals. The innocent naivety that these animals share is almost romantic in a sense. They can feel your negative emotion and try to comfort if they know you well... They can easily familiarize and identify who is who and what is what....They're so interesting... even more so because they can't talk so we can't get their side of the story so all this BS in these books in animal psychology could all be a lie, you know? You just don't really know.

I guess this all came out when I left my hand in the water of the 'petting pool', rather than grabbing the rays to feel them, I just let my hand sway with the calming current that the rays swim through, letting them familiarize themselves with the new protruding appendage within their home. I've seen so far that they don't bode well to hands with fish within them.. I guess they've learned that children with the fish are all in it for the strokes. Dirty whore children... So I let my hand sway lightly, my hand unclenched and loose, my fingertips lightly stretched out and my wrist crooked slightly so my palm and fingertips would lightly graze the soft, smooth surface of the rays... and so they investigated, and by the end, or by the start of the rain, a lot more rays came round, eager to feel the soft, light, sensual touch of my skin on theirs, stroking lightly, massaging the muscles that make them what they are. 

Not to be egotistical, but I appear to have that kind of effect on animals. I'm no animal whisperer or Dr. Dolittle or whatever, but I've been told my more calming demeanor that the animas can feel, relax them, rather than be cloaked in fear of getting hurt or grabbed, a sort of adventeruous security is found, allowing them to explore my hand, and vice versa, allowing me to 'pet them'. Of course it always, and I really mean ALWAYS gets ruined per sé by screaming 4-12 year olds, excited and eager to get their grubby little hands on the animals soft exterior to stroke and be at awe at the cuteness or whatever. It sadens me somewhat, but I guess that's life, and by the end of their short lives, they get used to the enthusiastic kids grabbing, pulling, screaming for their own look at the cute fluffy bunny. 

Gah I keep going off topic.. this is already a long post as it is... many apologies. 
I'll swiftly move on... 
Ah! After the sting rays and the long wait for the rain to settle, we visited the dolphins... It was still kinda dizzling down, and mom couldn't get her arm or bandage wet so we decided to go down to the undergound observatory... and lo and behold what do I see? Three YES THAT'S RIGHT THREE Ménage à trois going on, one of which were all male. That's right. Homo dolphins. Who would have thought? I mean.. apparantly chickens are all bisexual...but gay dolphins? It was quite a site to behold... I suppose the term 'a hole is a hole' is the most appropriate phrase at this point in time... Aside from Humans, Dolphins are the only animal that partake in sexual intercourse for the lulz and enjoyment, not just a mating instinct... so the term is hardly a stretch to believe for such intelligent animals. But yes. All had their retractable dicks out, and I'm not joking when I mean ALL of them had their dangers out. Three female dolphins, two of which were hounded by two horny males, all were in it for the sex... They didn't care who it was, just as long as she got some. The third was kinda digging into one of the threesomes, kinda getting one of the males to do her instead.. I guess she was the ugly dolphin? But it was amazing really. 

Moving on more-so, we went overto the sea cows, saw the usual... my favorite cow was still there, even after 5 years. I was pleased about that, and kinda realized that it wasn't going to leave the Sea World reservation... Its tail is too badly damaged to really go out.. I was tempted to adopt as well, but... whatever. 
Last thing before the Red Lobster LUXURY dinner, we saw the dolphin and whale show...and oh my god... the phrase that continuously went through my head was '..Only in America...'. If you ever look up what they do in that show, you english people, you'd know. Seriously... cheese city. It was a mix of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Peter Pan... it was almost.. repulsive. There was SINGING. There should NOT be singing in these such attractions.. it was... ugh. But like I said, 'only in America'.... much like these american commercials... so cheesy with their 80's background music... It makes one really think about how the British do things. But anyway. Yes. This show. Sick. Not even funny. It made my ears bleed.... It was kinda cool.. the seperate parts I mean.. Like a lot of trapeze work and dolphins and whales diving and doing tricks and stuff... but the majority of the show was the humans story... and not so much what it used to be which was an educational show for everyone about dolphins and whales... But there wasn't enough water creatures.. shit the parrots they sent out had more time than the dolphins. Just.. ugh. I guess the whole attraction was dull in itself because I've seen these glorious animals do the same flips and tricks every time I'm here? The novelty has subsequently faded.
Afterwards we went to Red Lobster, simply because Darius was on the verge of tears in grumpiness because of hunger.... and then we came back home... and then I read some more of my book... A State Of Art by Iain M. Banks, a sci-fi author... this book is a collection of short stories.. go look up and read him.. They're.. interesting.

After that, here I am, updating. It's a long one and I'm sorry... but you know.. whatever. It's just a detailed report of today along with side rambles. It's what you guys are here to read anyway.

That is all for today. I'm going to sleep now or something. 

Guten Nacht!

D. x

Hello!

I think I start this journal each time with "it's certainly been a while!", varying the words of choice.. or even not sometimes, and I refuse to say it this, time, but a long time has past since I updated I believe.

Here I am, just outside Orlando Florida, somewhere in the vicinity close to Davenport I believe. Rather than being in the same hotel place as the last few times I've been here, we decided to rent a house... rather, a bungalo (sp?).  It's nice change, not so much of a change that there are two stories or anything, as it's all on the same floor, so it's similar to a hotel's designs, but it's different as we're firmly planted onto the ground, have a garage and all the necessities and other such complimentary functional applications that are of great use (washing machine, drying machine, everything in the kitchen, bathrooms, living area, TV, dining area and even a PS2!) . So it's basically the stereotypical suburb home, with all houses and bungalos the same, which could be why Ben Fold's song fits well. In a brief-down, this house has four bedrooms, two on-suite bathrooms, while two of the bedrooms have to share a bathroom.  There's also a fairly large kitchen, the garage to put ones car in and stuff is HUGE, there's a pleasant little glass table at the front of the kitchen, looking towards the road of residence, while the dining table, a more luxurious wooden texture, with six places to sit that sit just past the kitchen area. The living area is just a simple two sofas, one against the wall and the other a seeming barrier from the two bedrooms from going straight past the former sofa, getting more so in the way of those sitting, watching TV, which is in fact within a cupboard that one has to open up. Underneath the main cuboard lies a cable box, dvd player and the PS2. 

I could go on more, but we're going to a circuit city, Denny's, etc and I'll post pictures when I get back perhaps. 

EDITEDITEDITEDIT

We just got back from a mini shopping trip. First was Denny's, then we went over to Circuit City and Books-a-million, then I believe Walmart to for grocery shopping and stuff... and that's... it. It was long and tedious, but it was okay. It's been raining a lot today, and yesterday, I guess it's only natural haha. I mean, England now has sunshine for the next few days, it's always the way that if we leave a soon-to-be hot country to a previous and stereotypical hot country. It's cold in this place....

Ah, I've been literally dying without my music. My Zen so happily decided to fail on me two weeks ago and I couldn't get it to Creative and back in time so... and my phone's little connector and headset have now worn out and broken, so I couldn't use my phone either. Its been AWFUL. 

Luckily, I decided on getting a Zune 8gb media player, so I'll be good for now..until the glorious day of the new Creative ZEN 32gb X-Fi wireless comes out <3333 I just looked it up after turmoiling across Walmart and Circuit City and even some smaller Sony and other electronic shops for a Zune 30gb. I was going to have a seemingly large spaced mp3 player to last me well these next two weeks, but it appears that the 30gb had gone off market, and only the 4gb, 8gb, and 80gb are left... 80gb is probably going to have a hard disk which, in my busy, jumpy life, is not going to hold well if dropped once.. or twice... or 12 times. So.. yeah. The plan is tomorrow, we buy me a Zune to last me until this sexy ass Creative Zen X-Fi Wireless is released. Can't wait it's, it's so sexy. 

I got lost in Walmart again ;_;

Ah! We've just discussed the plan for tomorrow! We're going to Sea World.... again. Haha, every time we come here, it's always to Sea World. It's just... a good place you know? And since my fear of rollercoasters has been forcefully lifted, there's so much more to do here. Two years ago, our last visit to Orlando, I was just begging for the rides. They're MUCH better than Alton Towers, or Thorpe Park rides. 

I love going to Sea World, I get to say hi to the sea cows. One of my few favorite sea animals. Hell, we may even go onto Discovery Cove. I doubt it, but we might do. I always seem to get on well with the sting rays there.. then those stupid disruptive kids always try to catch them, ruining the perfect tranquility and the platonic relationship me and the rays had shared. 

I may have more to say, but I can't recall the rest. Tomorrow will be a better day I believe. 

D. xx

It's certainly been a while since I updated... again. 

It's hard to update regularly if I don't have the urge to write. It's also a big leap to actually write what I feel as I'm more introverted than anything.  It's also quite difficult to update if I've updated elsewhere; in this case it was DeviantArtand the journal there. I also put up a few pictures that I had been inclined to put up before... but didn't think they were that good... ah well. 

Well, two days ago I had finished my AS levels. You'd think I'd be happy that they're over; well think again. I now have A2 levels to go through, not to mention countless inevitable retakes I will have to do because of my carelessness on time. It's a pity really, but that's just how it goes I suppose, can't really change it. A levels are such a bothersome topic of discussion to me, it was always the same at the beginning: "Oh, what subjects are you taking? Oh, all sciences huh? Why aren't you doing Music? That was your best subject!" and now it's all "How was your exam? Which one was it again? What are you going to do after your exams for summer? It's such a pain going back four days later to start A2 isn't it?" Honestly, I tend to ignore all of those questions now. Just thinking of the exams, their contents, the aftermath and the subjects themselves makes me wretch with guilt, stupidity and other emotions I dare not discuss. People's favorite question right now is: "Oh, why aren't you doing Music? You're so good at piano!" Why am I not doing it? Because music GCSE was ruining my interest and hobby and I dare not go further to wreck my release, much like art did to my drawing. Playing piano, though only of an adequate standard, is one of my few ways to shove negative thoughts to the back of my head. I mean, without a piano or keyboard around I think I'd have a breakdown, although the cello is a sufficient replacement, it's just not the same. 

It's weird, after my exams had finished (chemistry was my last) I got home, went up to my room as usual, and stood in front of my mirror that I hang on my door. I wasn't doing anything in particular. Wasn't looking or any flaws on my face, or any fat rolling out of my pants. I just stood there, being even less productive than I was when the stress and strain of the exams were about... Which was pretty unproductive in the first week before half term. It's the second day since that wednesday, and I'm still at a loss of what to do. I haven't really felt the urge to go onto myspace of facebook, I've also grown irritable as well, not in the mood to take jokes or anything through MSN or YIM, I've been sleeping more than is necessary, or probably even healthy, yet I'm still so exhausted. My guess is that I'm just drained in all three ways: physically, mentally and emotionally. It's hard on my parents, especially since my dad just got back yesterday after two and a half weeks away and now has to deal with me being rather mellow'd out. I'm not unhappy or nuthin', just... really slow perhaps? Mellow really isn't the right word, because I'm still irate about.... something, but I'm just.. dull, maybe. Who knows? I'll get over it soon. 

Tomorrow, I'm going out with Chaz for a hair cut and preparation for the Download Festival (which is on the 13-15th of June) so hopefully it'll lift my spirits. I saw her yesterday as well after my cello lesson, and all she did was tire me out, I was exhausted when I got back... Mind you I did get back around nine-ish after sitting in a theatre watching Sex and the City, which by the way is a very good chick flick. It was weird watching it yesterday, simply because it was only I and Chaz in the theatre. I'm not even joking, it was just the two of us, and we had the whole massive theatre to ourselves. A certain scenario flashed through my head when we saw the empty room, but shoving that away desperatly, trying not to show the other side to my orientation. It's not like I'm attracted to her in THAT way, because I'm not. But it was the environmental circumstance, I would have thought of that scenario with anyone. It was quite amusing though, the empty theatre, and we were just talking at a normal volume through the movie like a fan's commentary which was weird, but we could do that so we did. 
It was a very sexual film, I couldn't believe some of the things they put in there... Especially at the end where they show a peni'. It was a good movie, haha. 

Not a lot to say really, so I'm gonna stop there.

Peace.

D. x

The logic behind my default picture. Eat This. 
That avatar is the main picture for a podcast on itunes and wherever, and it's MY picture. My thumb and all. The name is theirs.
That was just in short, but I'm tired of writing right now so that's all you're getting.
But go search and listen. You'll shit bricks. Seriously. It's so awesome. If you can, try and find their first series (12 eps) simply because they are AWESOME. GO ON, GO LURK THE INTERNET.

Now! The masterminds behind this is Daniel Brand and Chris Slight (OH MA GAWH EEEEE <333333333) and occasionally Danny Bacchus. 
Basically these guys talk amongst themselves and express their opininons, ask people to ask them questions so they can answer in a funny manner and you just really have to listen to them.

I'd like to talk more about the masterminds actually. Solely, Mr. Slight (OH SHI- *gasm*)
He's frickin' AWESOME. Like, HOLYSHITDIDYOUSEETHATGUYHEWASSOFUCKIN'AWESOMEOMG awesome.
He's like.. an online BFF and he's amazing.
he's super funny, caring, kinda clingy but gives room when needed, he's the sexy guy on 209 radio in Cambridge area.
He's currently looking for a stable job that'll help keep him afloat and a sexy girlfriend (which sadly cannot be me because he's like.. fuggin' ages away). He's just.. holy shit, girls you don't know what you're missing. I mean.. you're missing me for him of course, but still. 
He's totally sweet and cute when he wants to be and can be rough and stern when needs be. He'll back you up and defend you no matter what.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, LADIES?! INTERESTED?! If it wasn't for my sexy ass car, I'd be all over him in seconds. Gawd. 

Chris Slight. Fuck Yeah.

Brand and Bacchus are okay too. 

D. xxx

P.S. EEEEEEE!!! OMG CHRIS SLIGHT OMGOMGOMGOMG